My 1st 10 Mile Brain Journey

I have been running 2 and 3 mile runs for many,many years of my life.I have also been a deep,deep thinker of many things for many years of my life.The two together seem to work well together for me in many aspects of my life.Life for me is forward.Death is behind me;always calling for my attention to entertain the things of past that are painfully ugly.Thats not to say I don’t have wonderful moments and memories of my past.The death I speak of is like a disease of ugly and pain that has tried to capture me and bind me to have its way with my life(future).So my running is like my personal therapy for me to stay above and away from what is buried beneath me through forgiveness and acknowledging the game of the forever attack that is waiting for that weak moment that I might display.About 3 to 4 years ago I was introduced to organized big group runs.Racing 5k’s.I never knew such existed.This took me to another level of desire in my running and my thoughts followed suit and increased as well.I found myself with a hunger to write all the time when I had the chance about everything that really mattered.Relationships are at the top of that list of things.When all is finished;it will be the only thing that matters.Most of my writings were of dealing with my emotional depressions as the result of failures within myself according to my measures of success and failures.The writing therapy ; along with God’s constant grace and people that love me,seemed to be the way for me to overcome such.I not only needed to forgive,but I needed to WALK in forgiveness.I have not arrived,I simply recognize I don’t belong in that hole,I belong to usefulness to the world around me.At this time I am introduced to facebook and re-aqquainted with a school classmate of 30 years past.We never were friends,just classmates.Got to chatting with her and she introduced me to BLOGGING,which I found interesting.Thanks to you,Ashley,the horse is running and writing.2 years ago I went on with some team runners to try a long 12 mile run.I felt up to it and 8 miles into it; I felt great but my knee was screaming”OUCH” each step.If you know me….what did stupid do?I ran about another mile “limp running” I call it. Walked in the other 2 to 3 miles.That cost me about 6 long weeks of no running.Stupid pride.After that I hammered down on my 5k training never to try long distance again.I do admit though, I really would like to achieve at least one marathon non stop.The mind and cardio is up for it.Its the small ligaments that can drop you like a wet rag.Last Sunday morning I got up to run as usual;but I said within me it is time to switch gears and increase.I am going for a double in one run.Told the family if I’m not back within an hour,go look for me on roadside dead.I felt great and all was holding up for the double and I decided to keep going and finished with a triple of 9.3 miles non-stop.That was all new for me and recovery went well.Monday back to the labor all week and dark getting home which makes it unsafe for running.This morning,Saturday,I arise with the hope to complete a 10 mile run.What a brain journey.First 2 miles was simply to get in rythem of 8 more miles to go.Now thoughts are coming and …..just folded an ankle on uneven surface.I don’t slow at all,for it did not hurt or take me down.Yet it is on my mind now for a half mile more.The shockwave of the fold went up my leg and through my knee.Each step I feel the ankle and wonder if it is O.K. and if it is gonna swell.Well it seems to be doing alright….be careful!..and right back to thoughts of my life is before me and has been given new opportunities to mend relation-ships that are of the most importance to me.As I run with Ted Nugent jams in my ears, my mind is captive to my life.I am in the midsts of so many important factors and relationships right now that I cannot afford to miss a beat.I cannot let my timing be off.It is EVERYTHING to me that my actions and reactions be noticed as one that belongs in his rightful seat in all things of my involvement.This is not a test to fail.This is not a test.This is my final exam and only A+ will qualify to enter into my rightful seat of balance for me and those that are dependent of me; even if they don’t recognize it.Keeping unwanted STRESS beneath me is one of the keys to my success.I was once told a profound remark that is true.My running is O.K. as long as I ain’t runnin’ from something inside me.My running tends to click the refresh button on my brain; as the blood rushes through it, as to clean the debris of stress and categorize it and its place of priority to handle and how to deal with the many different problems.Right now my children are naturally absorbing more than what my 5th grade education can hardly handle.Two girls in college that don’t have the time of day for me and a 15 year old at home with me.My work place is rewarding on payday; but seems to be a war zone that the general public simply would not understand.I’m sure the blended family issues are simply the normal result at this time since the kids needs have tremendously increased ; but that does not make it any easier.If you know me;you know,I ain’t normal.I’m on mile 5 and all these thoughts of my responsibilities are not getting me hung up;but rather,freed up.I am reminded of all I have been through and/or have put myself through and I will succeed this a winner.Just as it will take time and effort for me to continue my training for running and writings to achieve what I desire of it; so will juggling all these relationships and responsibilities that come with them at work and at home.I’m reminded I will be a winner as long as I keep pressing forward one step in front of the other and no looking back for the disease that calls me to fail.Now about mile 7 the sun is out bright…good thing I wore the shades.I am sopped heavy in sweat and sweat drops are on my sun glasses and pops in my mind “Like the Wind and the Rain”,one of my previous writings.This morning there is no wind; just me and the sunshine.The breeze of my pace is all I feel blowing about me and the only rain is my sweat that drops on my sun glasses.My thoughts are to now achieve “Wind and Rain” part two…”My Inscriptive Flower”…and those thoughts of the run will be on that writing.I am in the finishing mile and listening to Ted’s “Queen of the Forest” and recognize her power upon me as I have positioned her so in my heart.I must say it was a successful run…recovery went really well and who knows whats next…I often remind myself that I need a recorder for my writing skills to take flight so when the thoughts come and I don’t have time or paper to write; I can simply hit record and speak and not be the usual problem of trying to get back the thoughts I had and loose to lack of memory…now for running its a little different…I don’t see the application possible; for the breathing pattern must remain intact…I need the recorder brain implant of all thoughts,that when I get through, I can play back and capture all the info needed…I will have to research internet to see if they have it available yet…message to some of you striders…I’m not sure whats going on inside me but on mile 1 and 2 I feel that the idea of distance might be of my genetics discovered/uncovered for the first time and I’m liking it.If not, it can only help pull those 5k numbers down.All in all its been great.Have a good day and check out “My Inscriptive Flower”, coming soon.

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