“Take the Detour”

I’m busy out on the streets doing my work as a delivery/pick-up driver and have assigned work to do in a detailed plan of time allowance to get it done.Those allowances do not include shut the truck off and park here until the train passes,with the traffic in front and behind me.Sometimes these trains are a long wait.One about to finish and here comes one from the other direction.Sometimes they are moving along really well;then they simply stop and do nothing,that you see for a while,but block the path before you.As I sat there I was mindful of  relationships that have suffered many bad moments which distant the two from being able to successfully relate.In this moment I see us separated by train tracks.I wonder how many years will you stay on that side of the tracks away from me and if your time allowances in life afford the lengthy time away from your dad.I know that my time seems to be running out and yet I am reminded that our heavenly fathers love endures and is so patient.Never in a hurry.Always,always right on time.I cannot cross the tracks from where I am at.I have been given specific instructions of what I can and can not do to relate.This flower has many thoughts and excuses of why they do not cross over to where I am or allow me and I will cross over.In such cases the train or tracks that separate the relationship must be within my flower identified to her by our shared god.Sometimes it could be a numerous amount of actual reasons that are simply tied up in time and responsibilities to the max for now.Sometimes that train could be other reasons such as the past,fear,pride, lack of thoughtfulness,or even a person that has nothing to do with your choosing.It could be the the actual crossing itself,very bumpy and uneven.Which is a mere visual of past which remains right in front of the person always.But from where I am sitting I see a detour of way for them to cross over with no waiting or dealing with getting hung up on the visual of the bumps and uneven path of fear and past.I see a detour off that crappy path;its the road of love,that is smooth and no traffic or trains to interrupt the steps of her path to her father.This path moves the two of us only forward to continue the growth of our love for each other.I see understanding.I see continual efforts without giving up.I see success in the first step of my direction.I don’t really care what the train is….we can deal with it together if need be the case…I’m simply patiently waiting on my flower to cross the tracks or take the other way.I just know it will happen and I am excited of that fact.The victory of this success has already been won;we just simply need to walk in that.I share the simplicity of this,not so simple matter that we might all stay in tuned to focus clearly on our shared love to each and others to hopefully not find ourselves separated by the tracks or trains in life that hold up on sharing a lot of precious time.I know I have learned a valuable lesson on making the moments count for the good of each of the 3 children I have and share.

“Love is Always”

What a beautiful day.The sun shining; in the clear blue skies,down upon us today in my area of the states.I was captured by the nice feeling of it, from early this morning and through out the day.I was mindful of its needed and desired warmth this morning,as it was rather cool and I did not want to wear long pants or sleeves.All through out the day we enjoyed the nice gentle breezes along with the temperatures climbing,yet the rays of the sun was not too hot or burning.Typically on such a hot day without the continual breezes,one would need sun screen and plenty of cold water or simply retrieve to the indoors/shade.Not the case today.I starting thinking of how love feels at different temperatures in our relationships to each other and what is the desired comfort zone.For me the weather here today is perfect.However tonight the sun will set and then seem to disappear.Then the temperatures will drop and tonight we will likely experience rain/thunderstorms.In some parts of our nation and other lands of our earth,their will be so many different types of weather and even up to severe damaging storms.Our relations to each other experience different moments of change in a days time,each day we share together or apart.The weather is totally out of our control.We have experts that try reading its patterned movement to keep us aware for preparation of the good and the bad of it and even at that its not enough to always be prepared for the change.As we experience all these weather changing conditions daily;day or night,the sun is always shining.Sometimes the elements that move in during the day sometimes hides the shine of our sun.Then at night it disappears to to shine its purpose elsewhere.But no matter what,its always shining and will be upon us another day.Our love seems in many ways absent so much to each we love and share with that we sometimes can get a little down,confused,or some other emotional(weather front moves in)thought pattern that has us thinking the love does not shine anymore.Through all the good,bad,ugly,and indifferent storms/patterns of life to each other we must know; that if it is love,then it is always.Sometimes the circumstances of the clouds of life tend to fog the comforting known love we desire,and in those times we must be careful and protect the valued image of love to and for each other that it will always be known to us from each other through all the changing conditions.

“Like The Wind and the Rain”chapter#3 “My Inscriptive Flower”

….as the year goes by,I am so captured by my desert.I the Wind and the Rain continually have been breezing and upon her surface (the desert)and still no desired reaction from her to me.Its as if she resists to pleasure me with her love for me.Before this stirs my emotions to blow in as a raging storm; as to awaken her to me, I pull back and blow far,far away into other lands that are also of my many gardens and flowers that are in need of my love and attention.My mind and heart remains so moved by her value to me as I think of her day and night.I wonder of her way with me; if it is of resistance or of a patience, she must endure first.She seems to be so satisfied to be alone in the heat of the day and the cool nights starring into the vast open space of stars and the moonlight in the darkness at night.I wonder if and what she dreams of.These thoughts I have are intense for me and I must go back and try again.Passing over the wide waters I slowed for a while to pull my thoughts and plans together; that I might have success with her.I am, has handed me a one of a kind seed.So I go forth and I arrive to her surface and breeze about; as to have her notice me.She shows no sign.I find a spot about her surface and drop the seed and blow her sandy surface onto it; to cover it from the burning sun.I blow in a cloud to keep a fine mist upon it; that it slowly soak and absorb me to bring forth life to see the need of me.Days later it appears to be growing and rapidly at that.For I am able to tend its need with cooling clouds from the intense heat and let in enough sunlight that it needs in perfect harmony to speed the process up.I really don’t know what to expect, but its growing……it has been many weeks and it is about to open one huge bloom.It is a beautiful flower so far and I have never seen such in all my time…the bloom opens early in the  morning and the pedals have little lines and dots on them.The flower turns to my direction where ever I move to and about; as if to see me, and/or be fascinated by me….days later a pedal falls and the lines and dots are of message to me.It plainly says”thank you, I love you”….another pedal instantly grows in the place of the one that dropped and has lines and dots on it….another pedal drops and the lines and dots change before my sight.The message says”I am your Inscriptive Flower”….another pedal replaces it in the same as the first one and another drops off….it says “please remain here with me and take care of my needing you”….and another pedal replaces it and another drops….it says “I have been waiting so long to communicate with you”….and another pedal replaces that one with lines and dots and another one drops…and this went on and on and on and on…and I finally had to let her know I have many flowers and many gardens and I am needed  also there;but I cannot leave you here in the burning sun,so I shall divide my clouds and leave one of me here for you and will return soon.When I return we shall continue to discuss moving to desired levels of our love to one another.This is just a chapter of possibly a book I’m working on.I purposely left out chapter #2 that I might not give out the book too early as I decide its writings for completion. I’m thinking we will travel to a destination in my writings “OFF the PLANET”….we see!

My 1st 10 Mile Brain Journey

I have been running 2 and 3 mile runs for many,many years of my life.I have also been a deep,deep thinker of many things for many years of my life.The two together seem to work well together for me in many aspects of my life.Life for me is forward.Death is behind me;always calling for my attention to entertain the things of past that are painfully ugly.Thats not to say I don’t have wonderful moments and memories of my past.The death I speak of is like a disease of ugly and pain that has tried to capture me and bind me to have its way with my life(future).So my running is like my personal therapy for me to stay above and away from what is buried beneath me through forgiveness and acknowledging the game of the forever attack that is waiting for that weak moment that I might display.About 3 to 4 years ago I was introduced to organized big group runs.Racing 5k’s.I never knew such existed.This took me to another level of desire in my running and my thoughts followed suit and increased as well.I found myself with a hunger to write all the time when I had the chance about everything that really mattered.Relationships are at the top of that list of things.When all is finished;it will be the only thing that matters.Most of my writings were of dealing with my emotional depressions as the result of failures within myself according to my measures of success and failures.The writing therapy ; along with God’s constant grace and people that love me,seemed to be the way for me to overcome such.I not only needed to forgive,but I needed to WALK in forgiveness.I have not arrived,I simply recognize I don’t belong in that hole,I belong to usefulness to the world around me.At this time I am introduced to facebook and re-aqquainted with a school classmate of 30 years past.We never were friends,just classmates.Got to chatting with her and she introduced me to BLOGGING,which I found interesting.Thanks to you,Ashley,the horse is running and writing.2 years ago I went on with some team runners to try a long 12 mile run.I felt up to it and 8 miles into it; I felt great but my knee was screaming”OUCH” each step.If you know me….what did stupid do?I ran about another mile “limp running” I call it. Walked in the other 2 to 3 miles.That cost me about 6 long weeks of no running.Stupid pride.After that I hammered down on my 5k training never to try long distance again.I do admit though, I really would like to achieve at least one marathon non stop.The mind and cardio is up for it.Its the small ligaments that can drop you like a wet rag.Last Sunday morning I got up to run as usual;but I said within me it is time to switch gears and increase.I am going for a double in one run.Told the family if I’m not back within an hour,go look for me on roadside dead.I felt great and all was holding up for the double and I decided to keep going and finished with a triple of 9.3 miles non-stop.That was all new for me and recovery went well.Monday back to the labor all week and dark getting home which makes it unsafe for running.This morning,Saturday,I arise with the hope to complete a 10 mile run.What a brain journey.First 2 miles was simply to get in rythem of 8 more miles to go.Now thoughts are coming and …..just folded an ankle on uneven surface.I don’t slow at all,for it did not hurt or take me down.Yet it is on my mind now for a half mile more.The shockwave of the fold went up my leg and through my knee.Each step I feel the ankle and wonder if it is O.K. and if it is gonna swell.Well it seems to be doing alright….be careful!..and right back to thoughts of my life is before me and has been given new opportunities to mend relation-ships that are of the most importance to me.As I run with Ted Nugent jams in my ears, my mind is captive to my life.I am in the midsts of so many important factors and relationships right now that I cannot afford to miss a beat.I cannot let my timing be off.It is EVERYTHING to me that my actions and reactions be noticed as one that belongs in his rightful seat in all things of my involvement.This is not a test to fail.This is not a test.This is my final exam and only A+ will qualify to enter into my rightful seat of balance for me and those that are dependent of me; even if they don’t recognize it.Keeping unwanted STRESS beneath me is one of the keys to my success.I was once told a profound remark that is true.My running is O.K. as long as I ain’t runnin’ from something inside me.My running tends to click the refresh button on my brain; as the blood rushes through it, as to clean the debris of stress and categorize it and its place of priority to handle and how to deal with the many different problems.Right now my children are naturally absorbing more than what my 5th grade education can hardly handle.Two girls in college that don’t have the time of day for me and a 15 year old at home with me.My work place is rewarding on payday; but seems to be a war zone that the general public simply would not understand.I’m sure the blended family issues are simply the normal result at this time since the kids needs have tremendously increased ; but that does not make it any easier.If you know me;you know,I ain’t normal.I’m on mile 5 and all these thoughts of my responsibilities are not getting me hung up;but rather,freed up.I am reminded of all I have been through and/or have put myself through and I will succeed this a winner.Just as it will take time and effort for me to continue my training for running and writings to achieve what I desire of it; so will juggling all these relationships and responsibilities that come with them at work and at home.I’m reminded I will be a winner as long as I keep pressing forward one step in front of the other and no looking back for the disease that calls me to fail.Now about mile 7 the sun is out bright…good thing I wore the shades.I am sopped heavy in sweat and sweat drops are on my sun glasses and pops in my mind “Like the Wind and the Rain”,one of my previous writings.This morning there is no wind; just me and the sunshine.The breeze of my pace is all I feel blowing about me and the only rain is my sweat that drops on my sun glasses.My thoughts are to now achieve “Wind and Rain” part two…”My Inscriptive Flower”…and those thoughts of the run will be on that writing.I am in the finishing mile and listening to Ted’s “Queen of the Forest” and recognize her power upon me as I have positioned her so in my heart.I must say it was a successful run…recovery went really well and who knows whats next…I often remind myself that I need a recorder for my writing skills to take flight so when the thoughts come and I don’t have time or paper to write; I can simply hit record and speak and not be the usual problem of trying to get back the thoughts I had and loose to lack of memory…now for running its a little different…I don’t see the application possible; for the breathing pattern must remain intact…I need the recorder brain implant of all thoughts,that when I get through, I can play back and capture all the info needed…I will have to research internet to see if they have it available yet…message to some of you striders…I’m not sure whats going on inside me but on mile 1 and 2 I feel that the idea of distance might be of my genetics discovered/uncovered for the first time and I’m liking it.If not, it can only help pull those 5k numbers down.All in all its been great.Have a good day and check out “My Inscriptive Flower”, coming soon.

Like the Wind and the Rain

…and when I see her;I wonder,how shall I make myself an unforgettable desire?Should I blow in as a storm of strong winds and rain,or shall I come so ever softly with gentle breezes and misty sprinkles of water.She is like a hot and dry desert.No wind,no rain.Just ,simply there.Her place consists of only day and night.Her surface covers the intent of her heart.I wonder what would happen if I rained on her.Would the sand and earth below it,receive and absorb my rain as a desire of need?..Or would she resist and my rain flood off the surface,as to be pushed away.Would any force of wind or what force would be welcomed or desired to compliment her sandy surface and her heart (the earth below)?Has time under the penetration of the sun’s burning heat,burned an impression of changed desires for the need of me (the wind and rain)?Has the desert sand and earth below;in the passing of time,wished that she could just be totally alone in the night,without the heat of day and time stand still forever,to keep away from possibly facing outcome decisions of maybe facing a surprise gust of my wind that might touch her suface and change the heart of the earth below.Her  sand is the brain and external decider of communicative touch.The earth below is the core of her hearts desires.In the standstill of time apart,the desert really has no idea of how it would react to any change of it’s present moments.Nor does the rain know if or when it will fall on her.Nor does the wind of me know if it will ever have the chance to gust its whispers into the sands surface or even above it.One thing for sure;time will not stand still and we shall both live in day and night.I am the wind and rain;yet I sometimes feel powerless to face the desert.Yet,I know one day or many,I shall face the desert and make a choice of reaction.My tears of hurt or of joy are the rain of me.My direction,intent,and discernment is the wind of me.My thoughts are many in facing her.Do I see her and move away of her sight of knowing it is me,or do I breeze through; as not knowing her,to see if she calls out to me.Or should I come as a cloud and hoover over her and look into her windows; through the surface,and blow whispers into her soul of all my thoughts of her and blow on by, after a stillness of connection in the moments.These and more are from time to time the continued thoughts that have no real answer for the unknown fear of rejection of choice of the way chosen.Then, reality hits.You cannot plan life relationships.Its like the weather.It gets unpredictable and scarey at times.In time, all seasons will come and go with good and bad weather along the way.Sometimes, predictable.Sometimes,not.So for now it is safe for me to hold on to the good feelings and be free as the wind and not to think too much on it.Its just easier that way.Could it be that she feels the same way;in that I am the desert and she is like the wind and rain.It really does not matter who is one or the other.What matters is to keep peace and love at its best to relate in that knowing.Know you.Know me.Know you and me together.Know you and me;though apart,as we travel this life and all of its forever changing of seasons.

Justified Ave.(Go right or Get left)

Many things each day in many choices to be made good,bad,indifferent and some down right ugly.In those moments comes a decision to stand on that choice or to retrieve the thought and back off or try a new approach. All this and more goes on within us and for most part we pay it really no attention for this process that roots deep within our core called justification. To justify my/our action(s). Many times I/we desire another person to be in agreement as if it makes this matter better. The power of agreement. Real power here for the good,bad,indifferent or ugly. To stand alone is questioned so much within our being. Having one or more to even as much to SUPPOSEDLY be in agreement can be the difference of me/you standing in the right or wrong. I cannot get caught up on needing anyone to stand with me. If I need someone other than Him for standing on what I justify; that is a sign of being wrong or slim possibility of just not knowing. In the coarse of our choice it will be tested on that justification alone.Unless I am wrong of my studies there is only ONE JUSTIFIED DEFINITE AGREEMENT that will stand the test of time and eternity. My paraphrase is we/I are only justified by HIM and in HIM. All other justifications will surely; without HIM, will break and fall weak to our level of SELF JUSTIFICATION. Yet I know and do intellectually believe this to be sound Truth from experience; unfortunately, I still stumble and fall in this entrapment of self desire. Even up to admitting it and having agreement with the admittance; does not by any way change the out come of the evil, that accuses me before the living GOD. I must remind myself that the evil has been given prince of the air rights to either be a destroyer of my salvation( in flesh) or a hand tool of God to keep me on path as I wonder off to the sights of the PONDS; as an illusion of my desires making them seem so,so and so inviting to give life to my flesh. I’m a listener to many types of music that inspires me to think as I here portions of obvious Truth mixed with our justification to twist and confuse the real message that cries out within us. Def-Leppard is one of those groups that I find the lyrics so enlightening to the flesh with some truth of who we are. Paper Sun is a song that is(to me) one of those songs that tells us the drifting and action of our dealing with illusions of fantasy that comes to a surface to where some one calls you out on the illusion. Paper Sun….Paper Son…Is He the Christ a son wrote about on paper to stay as a story of illusion. Obviously I put Him in that book to stay when I justify without HIM. As I see the justifications of others and how it affects them and maybe even me; how much more I need to look at what I justify and why? Even the power of agreement will fall with good intentions without Him. Without me; the Christ is Son of man (modeled servant of God)  is not a paper story(paper son). I definitely have those in my life that wrote me off for ;I hope only a period of time. That justification is usually centered around forgiveness. I understand. Meanwhile it robs. It robs the relationship. When its all said and done in the end the only thing that will matter is RELATIONSHIP. To be in right relationship with Him we must walk in learning forgiveness all in all. I to struggle with it; so don’t think I call one out to judge. I know it is a time and experience topic to learn how to in many different areas of how we have been wronged. Justification is the source anchor of this issue. For me it is brought to my attention by Him to reconsider and know we all have our strongholds of ugly ; that in time hopefully, work out as we walk in the knowledge of Him. To hold  unforgiveness is to bind one to sin in your heart and yourself to that measure without forgiveness from Him until you/I release forgiveness as He has for us. I simply picked out forgiveness as ending illustration;of the thousands of choices we make (JUSTIFY), because for sure we can use the receiving and the freeing up of ourselves by giving this gift to ourselves and others. It is a gift. Cannot earn it nor buy it; it must be given away. JUSTIFIED by HIM to do so. Give a gift today and forever more and receive from our KING freedom. Justified. It goes both ways. Forgiveness. It goes both ways.

BACK OFF

O.K. so I’m leaving the house in my car and have on the jams. Feeling really good about it all and cruising down the street to the end and stop. Look both ways and proceed travel and come to red traffic light. All is good. 30/45 seconds go by and I look up to find a car coming up behind me and it slows and stops. The problem is that it is within a foot of my car. That pisses me off. Why do people do that crap? then to make matters worse they keep inching up. Hurry up light before the car behind me bumps me. I have a cut off rake handle on floorboard behind me just for such idiots. I mean if they don’t have sense enough to drive right and hit my car by inching up; I think I would be doing them and the general public a favor to knock some sense into there hard head.It would be my luck to have a cop see that and arrest me for the free favor to society. Or my luck that they see me coming and shoot me with their highway rage attitude gun ready on standby for anyone who tries to bend there disfunctional way of behvior  while on public streets. I’m not having a bad day because of this. If you notice when you drive this is every day; everywhere you go. Then you get rolling on highway or interstate and they seem to want to attach to your bumper at 65 MPH. What is it with such people? Different law enforcement drivers in city,state, and county cars do the same. They are to enforce that it does not happen. Have you ever seen an enforcer of law drive in traffic and obvious to see this problem everywhere and do anything about it? I haven”t. Or see the officer(s) be the one(s) tailgaiting. I have on a regular basis. That is a real bummer. Tailgaters are haters of safe driving methods and are obviously obnoctous  type of people. Those two elements behind the wheel are as bad;if not worse, than drunk drivers. These people are lurking at every point in your drive to here and there. Is it really necessary for anyone to be all up on the tailgate of another in stopped traffic. NO. Is it necessary for anyone to tailgate anybody at 55/65/75 MPH. NO. What is the answer to this problem? Everytime we get in our car for a simple drive some a/hole has to be just that. Women do it too. I could go on and on and really I’m looking for suggestions ; that are legal of coarse, to curb the appetite of these idiots. If you are a tailgater; know that it is hated by all drivers to see you in rear view mirror. Please consider a new approach on driving methods before some agitated fool considers an end of this in this moment today and cost you possibly much pain or even death. Is it worth that? Of coarse not. So reconsider next time and all the time your habits while driving.Please don’t use the stupid excuse your in a hurry. If in a hurry you should have left sooner…and are you in a hurry to wreck or just piss everyone else off. That hurry could get you a good can of  W/A pour on you. If you have an answer of how to stop such a/holes please respond. If you have no answer and just hate tailgaters then respond that I might know I am not alone on this matter. Maybe one day we all meet and take a drive down the highway and all stop at same time to let such a tailgater caught in our midst will be dwelt with by a mob of stopped cars in traffic lanes giving them hell for being such a jerk on the road. Can you you see this in your imagination.We need to hook up everyday and drive same path to work and rid this path of these idiots. After that we can deal with those who drive 45 in the fast lane of 65.

My First Revelation of God

I was asked on my writing of  ”Dead water  Living water” as to how I got out of the pond; an illustration I used to describe results of sin. Sin being any act of ungodliness and it brings forth consequences that cannot be out smarted nor controlled by any means. God has full control of what is allowed to come our way for the purpose of His will. In our nature we tend to measure sin as not so bad, to horrible. The pond is my measurement of severity of such horrible sin and its consequences I have experienced in my life. The subject matters are not to outline what sin(s); but rather real affects I have had and most importantly the Way to Truth and Life. Let me first say that I have found myself in several ponds and have learned that there is over a million choices that can land one into a pond; but only one Way out. I remember as a child coming up in a broken home enviroment. Raised by my grand-parents; and shared room with one of my 2 older brothers. The oldest brother lived with our mother and at 7yrs. old had a new baby sister and she also lived with my mother and brother. We were just average East-Nashville; Dickerson Road family. We were dropped off reguarly at Sunday-school and picked up usually not staying for church. This went on til I was about 11yrs. old. Finally, we did not have to go anymore at some point for whatever reason. I remember really learning nothing there other than just enough. The basics of salvation. At that age I never really understood what it was really all about for a kid to need to know. Age twelve I was exposed to a lot of things with 2 older brothers. I remember feeling what we call our conscience at around 9-10 when the basic lie would crawl out of my mouth to my grand-parents for this or that. I remember like it was yesterday what I chose to do on my 13th birthday with my brother and all the  guys we  hung out with. My conscience was alive and I really did not understand why it was so bothersome to me to do wrong. Everyone else was and they did not seem bothered. So I continued this path with them and the conscience was numb to my desires of my actions. It and all I was involved in became a way of life for me and I periodically would REMEMBER that it was wrong; and would do what I did do then anyway for many,many years. I left home at 17 and was married at 18 and kept on my usual as all was good and no harm about what I do. At age 23 I decided to experiment into more wrong things and desires knowing it is wrong. Well into this for a few months I started tiring physically and was in excellent cardio shape. I worked out regularly and ran 3 and  4 days a week. I noticed in my tiring my right leg and back was weakening and causing me problems. We will touch back to this point later. ??? Was I carrying something I was not designed to carry? Was the weight of it increasing? I kept on going my way. One day something come all over me (conviction) and I was freaked out. My inside person had to stop me dead in my tracks and do some off the wall confessing and I had never felt such an impression come on my life ever before.I was not involved in church nor talking to anyone about anything of my so called business of my personal life. Immediately at the moment of confessing things started happening that would go through different steps and events that brought me to complete loneliness for a while and see now that I was so into my ways that great loss would be my only hope for LIFE in my life. So many things spiritual happened that I can look back and clearly see now; but then I was deaf and blind to what was happening. I lost my wife to divorce,our home(house),many friends, and was wading in the edge of the pond and did not know it. Within weeks of my continued lifestyle after these losses I my leg and lower back shut down. I figured I just needed some time off and rest. Weeks off and no better. I went to two different Orthopedic Surgeons to be checked out. Both said the same. You will need to first quit your job and plan on doing something different for a career. No more lifting, no more running, no more jumping….I’m 25 yrs. old surely you can do something. They both said my damage is severe and can’t really be fixed. I was crushed after the first visit ; but to hear that twice was next door to ending my life as I knew it. I research through friends for a chiropractor and at this time weeks into it; I am experiencing 18 to 24 hrs a day of pain in my leg and can’t go up steps without at times literally using my hands to lift it to the next level. I am seriously concerned; yet I feel it will pass soon. Chiropractors are getting good reviews on there treatments. I was impressed with my impression of my now new Dr. to heal me. He was very thorough in all he was going to do for a proper diagnosis; starting with x-ray. He explained the x-ray to me so I had a real understanding of my problem. He said the treatments would give me relief and would need to come everyday for 2 weeks and then 3 days a week to keep it in a decent comfort level. He also went on to say I needed  to quit my job and should go back to school since I would likely never be able to lift,run, or jump again. I felt in that moment my life had ended  and cried my eyes out and took the treatments for many weeks. I was out on med leave from work over 6 months. I was living back home with my grandmother and I was miserable all day ,everyday. I was still determined in my habits getting into the ” lost circle of fun” during the times of extreme boredem. My pain never left me. I was treating myself everyday 3 to 4 times a day with hot and ice cold compresses for a couple of months that seemed to be an eternity. Only time it was not hurting is when I would be on table of chiropractor for warm pads and electrodes. I could have lived there on that table. They would sometimes wake me up to go home after treatment. By time I get home I’m hurting and weak. Now months into it I am scared to death.I have lost all hope. I am so aggrevated that what ever it has happened has now put me to an end. I became more and more depressed and continuing to press on with my treatments at home and going for weekly’s. I don’t know it then at that moment; but  ”I am in a pond” . I have no hope, no direction, no comfort, and I am here of my own way of living sinfully. My depression; one night in the bedroom all alone, had me so weak, that from my soul, with my lips crying and crying out to God to help me. Not a 911 cry to help me so I can get up forget and go live like hell again. This was a different level and experience I will never in all my days forget. In the midst of my depression was noise…I cannot explain in words…Its noise from legions of confusion for my soul. Yet in my out cry something happened…There was a presence that surrounded me and all the noise was still and quiet…and a whisper of power and might says “seek me and I will heal you.”  …. I was in total shock…I was in complete belief of what just happened and yet now trying to decide what to do..The noise and confusers did not return. My depression has momentarily seeing hope. I went on about my way that day and did not tell no one what happened in my time alone today. I met my children’s mother that night(her name is Amy). She was a church goer I found out that week. The next day I had “considered” my options. Man cannot help me. They tell me to more less give up on living and God said seek me and I will heal you. I know really nothing about Bible and church and all those words of grace,salvation, and peace. But I know  how to seek…I’m about to hold somebody accountable. I went to church with  Amy and I did not participate;for I knew really nothing and I am here on a mission and I have told no one and will not do so. So, I would listen intently and find myself not hearing a word from the preachers mouth. God has called me to worship and I had never experienced such. I remember at conclusion of my worship; I would clearly now hear invitation to come to Christ and all that stuff for salvation. This went on every Sunday and I could not understand why do I feel I need this….I have changed on my own works…I stop doing everything wrong to the crossing t’s and dotting i’s. Let people that can’t do right go to the cross so to speak…each Sunday the worship within me grew more intensed…I remember the tears dropping like a broken fountain. Amy would ask if I was OK and I would say yes. I was not going to tell nobody what I was experiencing and I truly feel that God had me that way that I would know that no one can say I was this or that…anyway the end of service invitations were for me so,so convicting. This was not his preaching or his(the preacher) comments. He was as calm and gentle as any could hope to be. I would get up and walk out and burst.BURST into tears outside . God was calling me to be saved. I did not come to be saved…I came to be healed.3 to 4 weeks of this getting up at invitation;under conviction, and here we go 7th Sunday and my Convictor makes it clear to me;in my deep worship, that it is not your back or leg. The problem is my heart(my conscience) has been doing all this knowingly wrong and must be acknowledge. I called you to seek  Me that you might worship Me and let Me heal your heart. I took one step from the back part of worship sanctuary towards the front to pastor of church and it was as  if the presence of God lifted me there.God was doing a miracle in my life and I refused to let men interrupt. God showed me some things from this experience of how complacent the church has become. Not judging the Church OK. I was asked to fill out some data and if I wanted to join the church…I was in the middle of a life changing miracle and let them know that this is not about any of that. I just had my heart sealed and recieved eternal life and felt like an alien in the church.I shared nothing with Amy and she and her family asked nothing. I knew now God had reasons for the no talk of these matters..My eyes are opened for the first time and I see things so much clearer and still have the whole leg and back problem. But my new joy has given me peace to just keep going on my own in seeking God for whatever. I am still out of work and still doing hot cold compresses and decided not to go to chiropractor anymore. I am months into this and a couple with God and feeling compelled to get some answers for what to do. I still have not said really anything about my God experience to anyone and now about to see a nerosurgeon for answers that I have been in prayer for; for a few weeks. I was determined that my faith will be exercised today and I will do as the Dr. says; as if it were words from God. The doctor asked me who sent me to him. I said my God sent me to you through prayer. He said well lets see what is wrong. Conclusion was that when I leave; I need to go back to running,jumping, and lifting and report back to work next day. I did not question him. He also said that the discomfort and pain he has no treatment for it. So I get back home and go for a run. Went to work next day…full duty. I did my part and kept the my chin up and pressed on. My pain and discomfort did not let up and became a thorn to my flesh. This went on for over 2 years and one afternoon driving up I-65N with Amy in passenger seat; the tears started rolling off my face and she noticed and wanted to know what was wrong. I said nothing is wrong. Its all right. God just healed me. She says how do you know? His presence was all on me and I felt as if He touched me and felt the problem heal instantly. I remember sometimes in my early walk of learning about God that anytime I did something out of wack; I would experience that same sensation of pain and weakness. I felt as if it were a tool of getting my attention to do right. I have had so many experiences(revelations) of God that I acknowledge what a pitiful failure I am; but more so acknowledge what an Awesome God we have that cares so deeply for us individually. Obviously the best gift is the born again experience that assures me of my eternity and always His love and favor forever present on my life. If you have not this assurance of where will be your eternity; then please take the time to consider the facts of LIFE and death.Now for the question of how I got out of the pond? It is the same each time. We have not humility. Even that is prompted to us by God that we might feel a small portion of what Christ did for us in HIS humility in the mission born to die for our sin. Gods word clearly shows and states that our humbled acknowledgment of our sins and our need for HIM; His grace will intercede into our life in the will of Him. He promises that the measure of grace He gives will be sufficient for our need(s). GRACE-Gods riches at Christ Expense. Christ was crucified for my sin. He was not crucified to take away the consequences of sin. Acknowledgment and humility to Him is the only way out of the pond.This is not a writing about me. This is a writing of Truth in my experience to testify He “The Christ” lives and wants each of us to except Him as the only Truth,Life, and Way. Which way are you going?

Whats the Real Problem?

We all face it pretty much daily.It is by all means an uncomfortable subject matter if we were caught on video in certain circumstances;showing what comes out in a moments notice/without notice to think first.We I need to do a lot of that thinking first before reacting.We can play the blame game and still not remove/resolve the matter to a change of heart and character. Racism is the problem I’m writing about today. It is forever an old continual problem in our country and its time to consider a solution. Big government throws our $$$ at the problem and calls that the effort. Different organizations for each color,or ethnic,or beliefs,or gender multiply themselves and raise $$$ for their cause in the campaign usually to take rather than to resolve. However we look at it ; it is present. Why? Possibly a curse from day one and ignoring the wrong of doing outright wrong to people. Wrong is watered down for a curse on a nation. How about sinning against humanity in inhumane ways? I think for most of us who know right from wrong can see that barbarism entered this land some 200yrs. ago and we feed on that continual curse. For those who realize the past wrongs and know to never practice such treatment to others as known even in our times 50′s,60′s, and even present still live in it. Yes its two sided. Those that have remorse for past forefather’s choices and those that will not forgive,forget,and move on from it. Our government still babysits the problem and the different groups still have major group meetings in what effort to resolve I do not know. I think each of us need to take account of the matter and take a stand against false campaigns to better such.If it is sin; then treat it as sin. Sinner repent and correct future action in fairness and truth. Those sinned against;forgive and move on.I mean really; how long is this gonna take. It is not rocket science. Most of these parties involved and US Gov. claim to believe in same God and theology. Then believe and walk in it. No where does the bible teach that man can pay for sin nor can one be paid enough in $$$ or other efforts to forgive. Its all a choice and free. It is a difficult task for me to accomplish; but I must in order to be about His Kingdom work. I don’t need to join some group or movement. I need to get this right within myself and be always respectful as possible in my heart. My upbringing and circumstances of yesteryears have no more responsibility of my choices in this matter. I need to make it simple and get back to the basics of a child. Children don’t have this problem. But they will all grow up with this problem and worse if we/I don’t get it right; right now.The problem is sin. Racism is worldwide by our human sinful nature. I can not be perfect; but I surely can be part of making a difference by considering the effect of such added sin to myself and the world around me. Take a stand against racism; start by stopping ourself involvement. Stop entertaining the idea or conversational gestures. Get real about it. Our children and our country’s direction is in confusion and will only obviously get worse if we don’t take self responsibility of this matter to our walk. Consider love your neighbor as yourself. Who is your neighbor? Consider moving to a foreign land and how you would want to be treated. How we want to be treated is not an earned desire. Its a normal want of respect of being human. Consider defusing by refusing to be disrespectful….thats my goal…Whats yours?

Dead Water or Living Water

I went on a trip a couple of weeks ago to Panama City Beach,Fla..I have not visited the beach at that time of year before and noticed a lot of difference in the water for the time I was there.It was crystal clear and bluer than I have ever seen it there before.The water was also very calm and sometimes even still.I feel certain that in different seasons or periods of seasons the water brings in sea weed and other trash as well as many shells or types of fish;but for this week it was absolutely different for me to see this body of water so,so clean and calm.I enjoyed much the beauty of it and the peace it offered in its calm movements.Its fresh look and clean ocean breeze odor had me thinking of clean streams of water found in remote areas that are moving with and feeding life all about them.I also thought of in comparison;Mucky waters ,like the Cumberland River.How would you like to take a dip or an effort to try to swim in that moving water.I also thought of the stillness of a pond and how it in many ways looks so serene to its land scape in which it is.All of this has my mind thinking of spiritual battles of my flesh and mind and how my choices place me into a body of one of these waters.Of coarse if I were to be placed in any;I would like to choose the clean calm beach of that experience or next to the fresh running stream and the life it gives around it.The river;no way,its to dangerous and has unknown holes of depth and a force of its movement out of control.But many times we make choices without the knowledge of what reactions or consequences will follow as a result of my choice and how many people it will affect as its reactions set in motion.So I thought of sin(wrong choices) and how that in many ways we make the choice knowing and for some reason thinking we can control its consequences.Step back a little from that still body of water called pond.Pick up a brick and throw it in there.Can you control your pitch of the brick to where the water stays still.Of coarse not.The entire body of water is affected all the way to the edge and then back into back and forth until it has fully absorbed the impact.The water now has permanent change.Something  new is here to stay and the level rose up a small degree.This is a permanent affect.Sin is like that to us.Sin is the result of us doing a desire of wrong that starts within us.It is the act of that wrong desire.Usually starts from entertaining the desire.The lure of our imagination or desire seems to be the O.K. choice or feel good choice or the something in it for me choice;ect.But once we step into;notice step into,its a choice.You don’t fall in it.Once we step into the act and it is sin;it now places me/you spiritually on a lure of our own device.You might go to the pond for one sin or may take many lures attatched to you;but the evil one is on mission to place those strong-holds on you with all intent to destroy you by dragging you to a point in your spirit journey I call the pond .What is this pond?The sign says no swimming..Stay OUT…Dangerous water…ponds illustrated better on hot muggy days.Full of mesquitos,nats,frogs,snakes,snapping turtles,dragon-flies,big cat fish, and more critters sliming there way around in that dark, mucky green, mossy water…and at its bottom is deep, muck- mud.Once in this pond you are blind to see any thing good.It feels horrible.It is completely hopeless here.You see nothing.You hear nothing and know one notices you being in this situation because we are flesh and your problem is of the spirit in you.God does not forbid you to wind up in such an ordeal.On top of all this within you there is now creeping and crawling all over you a heavy,heavy weight of fear that has you trembling to the bone.This can go on for days, weeks,months,or however long this is needed.However long it takes for you to recognize or die from the internal event upon you; that in flesh we call stress.Thats really watered down for one in the pond of all this darkness and loneliness pumped with incredible fear.To top it off you cannot get out on your own nor can anyone reach you…they don’t see you…and you hit the bottom floor and now you can’t hardly even move.The deep,muck-mud has your feet and and hands immobile.You know which way is down and which way is up;the gift from God called gravity.But it solves nothing.Your inner man(spirit-heart -conscience ); another gift from God,tells you that you are here by choice of sin.You know this to be true and still try to wrestle the matter and find comfort where you are in this mess.You can’t.If you hit bottom and can’t do anything;its time to dial 911 to God…Oh now you/I believe.God’s grace works in mysterious ways and sometimes he puts up with our ways and simply has satin to loosen up.Some times I see and know from experience That God will let you lie in that muck til you surrender your need of His son the savior of the world.I remember it like it was yesterday and it was my Damascus Road experience 22yrs. ago.I have found myself since then looking at ponds and saying no to the desire and also stepping into the desires of sin pleasure and in the pond of muck from those wrong choices.Those ponds have trembling fear that I never want to experience again.Yet I am a sinner and still choose sin in many ways.The thing that keeps me from sinning is the same thing that I choose reason to sin.Its all about the relationship with God.If I am in sharing relation with Him I’m not likely to choose sin.If I am not relating to Him as a child to there parents;Im likely to step into sin and knowing not to.When life is all said and done in this tent we call flesh; the only thing that will keep you out of the eternal pond of burning fire and loneliness and every fear imaginable and beyond our imagination,is the accepting of  God’s plan of our salvation through the sacrificial death of His son made for the payment of the sins of you and I and all the world.That relationship and blood covenant is the only way to have eternal life with Him in a place of paradise we call heaven.Your choice is made known to Him even if you don’t think you need or have to choose.You can choose to be in such bondage or to walk in freedom and know your God cares about you having peace to know that when that last day comes or even mindful of death that you should have all assurance of where you will spend eternity.You choose.The pond or heaven.If he is knocking at your door;by all means settle this issue.Let Him in.He comes with no demands.Only compassion to keep you out of the pond.It is of an urgent matter to consider.Why urgent?How many people die in a day?Like a thief;what do people that are going to die look like from whatever creeps up to kill them?I bet you have some protection to deter a thief from your home or car.At least insurance for a loss.This is not a protection policy or payback for loss decision.This is your life and your eternity.Consider…